


As The River Loves The Sea And The Ocean And That One Big Lake

by somehowunbroken



Category: Original Work
Genre: Anthropomorphic, Crack, Other, badsexfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-05
Updated: 2013-06-05
Packaged: 2017-12-14 01:08:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/830953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somehowunbroken/pseuds/somehowunbroken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for badsexfic 2013: <i>Anthropomorphic Fic/Reader. The fic isn't very good, in fact, it's full of grammatical and spelling mistakes, as well as containing some very poorly chosen metaphors. it tries to get the reader to like it by showing off how ~creative~ it can be.</i></p><p> </p><p>  <i>(actual fic can contain smut as a way of getting the reader to like it, though the smut turns out to be as corny as the fic)</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	As The River Loves The Sea And The Ocean And That One Big Lake

**Author's Note:**

> I...
> 
> ...I have no idea.

Your name is _Dearly Beloved We Are Gathred Here Today_ , and you are in love.

Your Reader is the most wonderful reader that any fic has ever seen, to be sure. She’s not all that tall, from what you can tell; granted, your view of her is limited to most of her face and half of her chest, but you’ll take what the webcam will show you. Her hair shines like a unicorn’s mane, and her eyes sparkle like tiny stars. Her cherry red lips form the most perfect pout, and you’re completely helpless before her.

She scrolls through your chapters, and you shiver as she reads your words. You’re naked before her, every inch of your epic length laid bare for her to peruse, to caress with her eyes-

Reader scowls.

No, no, you think as the mouse climbs up to the corner of the tab in which you’re opened. She can’t leave you, not now, not before she’s gotten to the end. Not before you’ve had the chance to show her all that you have in store for her radiant beauty.

You manage to nudge yourself a little farther down her screen, and your next paragraph scrolls into place.

_Sebastian storked Mona’s silken hair gently as she slept. It seemed to glow in the moonlight like lightning bugs in June, all yellow in the darkness. Her hair really reminded Sebastian of real gold, if gold could be as thin as little ropes, like Mona’s hair really was._

She pauses as her eyes scan the new words, and her brow creases a little. Frustration isn’t exactly what you were going for, but hey, she’s moved the mouse away from the X of Death. You can work with this.

_Mona turned over in her sleep and sighed out a word. Well, it was a name, not a word. “Sebastian.”_

_Sebastian leaned over his beautifful soon-to-be-wife. “I’m here, my darling buttercup,” he said gently. “What do you need from me?”_

_Mona’s eyes blinked open, and they shone more brighter than her golden hair, except they were the most perfect violet that eyes could be. “Oh, Sebastian, I had the most wonderful dream… we were making love in a field of daisies.”_

_Sebastian gasped. “Daisies?”_

_Mona nodded. “Daisies, Sebastian.”_

Your Reader blinks at you slowly, her mouth falling open a little. _Yes,_ you think. _I’ve got you hooked now, my darling. Scroll a little more, why don’t you?_

“This is…” your Reader mutters. She stops and shakes her head, letting out a laugh like tinkling bells. “Wow.”

 _Wow, indeed,_ you preen. Your author crafted you lovingly. You know how special you are. You’re just glad that your darling Reader is noticing at long last.

“This I’ve got to see,” Reader says aloud, focusing on your next paragraphs. You revel in the feeling of her reading your lines, picking you apart piece by piece.

She frowns again a few paragraphs later and you can’t help but wince. If you could hide any part of yourself from your darling Reader, it would be this, the end of Chapter Five; your author had been getting over the flu, and it really isn’t your best side. Still, though, it’s important to show the one you love all of yourself, so you suck it up and display your faults.

_Sebastin’s fingers run across Mona’s perfect brest, and goose bumps pop up where his fingers just were. The fingers of Sebastian’s hand feel like feathers on Mona’s skin. She gapsps and arches her back, pushing her breast into her lovers’ hand, and Sebastian just wants to lick her all over._

“I don’t know if I’m hoping for weeping cock or not,” Reader mutters. 

You hope she decides to want weeping cock. It’s coming up pretty quickly.

_Mona feels like she’s on fire everywhere that Sebastian is touching her, but the good sexy kind of fire. She’s never felt this way before, and she really wants Sebastian to lick her all over, just like he wants to do, except she doesn’t know that._

_“I want to lick you all over,” Sebastian says out loud, and Mona moans._

Reader groans, putting a hand over her eyes for a moment. You give her time before nudging yourself down more. It’s a pretty intense scene.

_”Your name is perfect,” Sebastian murmurs lovingly. “Mona. Moan-a. I’ll never again be able to speak your name without thinking of you this way.”_

_“I’ll moan everything if it makes you always look at me like that,” Mona moans again._

“I’m not sure how much more of this I can take,” Reader announces. You falter slightly. Okay, so this is also not your best side. You perk up a bit when Reader scrolls to the beginning of your next chapter. Maybe she just didn’t like the explicit content? That’s okay. You can go slowly, and ease her into the smuttier sections of yourself. There’s plenty of you to love, and if she doesn’t fall for you in your first 10k, well, there’s 224k more where that came from.

Reader squints at the title of Chapter Six - _The Night Befroe The Nighte Before The Wedding (srsly it’s soon guise!!)_ and sighs. “I need a goddamned drink.”

She stands and walks from view, and you watch eagerly. Her hips sway like a dancer’s, graceful and lithe, and her Pikachu-print sleep shorts frame her pale, pale legs as she sashays out of sight. You’re left bereft, your best parts yet to come, as she disappears through the doorway into the darkened hall beyond.

It’s not five minutes before Reader returns, glass tumbler in one hand and bottle of something called “Captain Morgan” in the other. You assume it’s the refreshing drink she’d claimed to need just moments before, and you’re glad to see that she’s partaking heavily. It must be a great thirst indeed for how quickly she’s drinking and refilling her glass. Perhaps she should have gotten a larger cup?

No matter, though, because Reader’s attention is focused back on you. “Let’s do this,” she mutters, and you can’t help but agree.

Let’s, indeed.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[podfic] As The River Loves The Sea And The Ocean And That One Big Lake](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1183115) by [busaikko](https://archiveofourown.org/users/busaikko/pseuds/busaikko)




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